How to Give Yourself Your Own Approval

Do you find yourself looking around you at what other coaches are doing all the time?

Do you think they seem so much more polished than you do?

I have had many clients who LOOK all put together on the outside, but are a mess.

Don’t compare your inside with somebody else’s outside.

Are you running around trying all the strategies that other people are doing. Just stop it!

You don’t need to look anywhere but inside yourself for acceptance and approval. The truth is, approval from others will never suffice when the approval you really need comes from within.

I’ve spent most my life seeking approval from others.  For me, this looks like feeling anxiety, worrying, trying to please everyone, not taking time for myself, overworking, trying to be amazing, and avoiding things I’m not good at.

Sound exhausting?  It is.

I’m learning that I need to have my own back, give myself approval, and ultimately learn to like myself (whether I achieve something or not.) It’s not easy, and I’m getting coaching to help.

10 Tips to Stop Comparing 

• Keep a self-reflection journal. A few times a week, I write the things I’m most proud of. Choices I’ve made.  Insights I’ve learned.  Things I like about myself.  Times I’ve had my own back and stayed true to myself and what I need.

• Stop seeking validation. This means noticing my thoughts, feelings, and actions.  When I notice I’m doing something because I want to influence how someone else sees me, I take a step back to check in with myself and make sure I’m doing things I really want to do, and for the right reasons.

• Say yes, or no, and mean it. Make decisions based on what is best for me, not just because I want someone to like me.  Saying no is always okay.  You might have to feel a few seconds of discomfort, but that’s much better than saying yes and feeling resentful later.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”  –Brené Brown

• Do things I’m not already good at. I’ve spent my entire life only doing things I’m already good at.  While that feels safe, it doesn’t provide a whole lot of room for growth.  I’m slowly building confidence by doing things even when I’m not very good at them.  The worst that can happen is a feeling, and I’m learning that I can handle any feeling.

• Become aware. Often we make these social comparisons without realizing we’re doing it. You need to become consciously aware of when you do this. Try this. You’ll be surprised how often you notice it.

• Stop and change focus. Once you realize you’re comparing yourself, pause, but don’t criticize yourself or feel bad—just acknowledge the thought, and gently change focus.

• Count your blessings. A better focus is on what you are already blessed with. Think about how lucky you are to have what you have, the unique talents you’ve been blessed with, and the people in your life who care about you.

• Focus on your strengths. Instead of looking at your weaknesses, ask yourself what your strengths are and be proud of them. Don’t brag, but feel good about your talents and work on using them to your best advantage.

• Be okay with imperfection. No one is perfect. We all know that, but still seem to strive for it anyway. You aren’t perfect and you never will be. I certainly am not, and I’m still working on being okay with that. If you look at it in a different way, that imperfection is what makes you who you are. Perfection would be boring!

• Don’t knock others down. Sometimes we try to criticize others just to make ourselves look or feel better. This is a destructive habit that, in the end, hurts you as well. Instead, try to be happy for them and learn from their successes.

Don’t focus on how you rank in comparison to others—life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on our own path — to find something, to become something, to learn, to create something of our own. Your journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what you want to do, and where you want to go. That’s all you need to worry about. The only one you should compare yourself with is you.

If you always want what others have, you will never have enough. That is an endless cycle that never leads to happiness.

Instead, learn to realize that what you have is already enough. If you have shelter over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, and people who love you, you are blessed. You have enough.

You are enough!

Be good with that, and you’ll find contentment. And business success too.

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We are Coach & Kim

We help life coaches who are overwhelmed by all the details involved in launching and growing a coaching business. Through trial and error growing four businesses, we’ve figured out what works, and even more importantly, what doesn’t. You became a coach because you love helping people. Let us help you do your important work in the world.